Kirsten

Let’s get down to business.

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May 072012
 

I’m feeling pretty introspective with the personal work I’m doing this week in particular, and I want to write about some of it here, but I haven’t really decided on the context. In the meantime, my letter to the student vets should go out this week; I’m excited about that, and am really proud of the end product (thank you to my extra eyes – you know who you are!). I’m also meeting with a local business owner Wednesday to discuss a potential project for a new establishment in Portland, which is exciting on both a professional and personal level. Richard, bless him, mailed me another article from the Portland Press Herald, this one about licensing requirements that have been modified or eliminated for vets with comparable/exceeding skills. It’s great to see the ways the Maine Department of Professional and Financial Regulation is working to get vets the credit they deserve and to see that they are valued for their expertise. Oh, and speaking of Richard, there was no Therapy Thursday because, well, there was no therapy Thursday. Which I completely spaced until I parked in front of his house and saw the note for UPS to leave packages on the porch. I thought we had already skipped the week he’d told me he’d be away – that’s how long the days have been feeling lately. But, I’ve already whined about that here, so I’ll leave you on a fun note: Friday, I won not one but TWO contests, one for a free oil change at Patriot Subaru (which I had just scheduled her for this week), and one for a new Mophie Juice Pack Air, just a couple of weeks after mine gave up the ghost. I never win anything, so this was an extra super lucky moment.

Now, off to do a bit of homework, then to start The Warlock, the fifth book in the Michael Scott series I’m reading. Since the readathon, I started and finished two of them, and since I’m on a roll and it was available from the library, I may as well, right? I also managed to find an mp3 audiobook that I’ve actually wanted to read for a while (damn you Apple for not supporting MWA!), and I’m going to put that on my phone to listen to at work.

Goodnight, dear readers. May your sleep be sweet and your dreams full of magic.

A few small bits.

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May 062012
 

I intended to fiddle with the blog today, but it just didn’t come about. I did get a bit accomplished today, so I’m not going to stress about what I didn’t do. As a friend wisely advised, “When you don’t do everything on your to-do list, write down what you DID do and check it off.” I like this idea quite a lot.

My step homework is more time-consuming than my sponsor would have me believe, so I’m working on that before bed so I’m ready for our morning chit-chat. In the meantime, here is a list of things I thought today, in no particular order.

  • Cauliflower is so great. Why don’t more people like it?
  • Iliena is gonna be pooping glitter for a week after writhing on the bathroom floor and grooming herself.
  • I’m five feet from the TV and need my glasses. Maybe it’s time for a bigger TV.
  • The price of gas really helps me avoid trips out of my way when I’m driving.
  • I don’t know why cleaning out and rearranging the fridge and freezer is so satisfying, but it is.
  • I need circular knitting needles so I can make legwarmers while I watch movies.
  • If my lock/unlock key breaks off in Bessie’s door when I’m not at home, I’m pretty well screwed.
  • Retail therapy in the shape of books from Goodwill is amazing, and inexpensive. I should do this more often. (for the list of books purchased today, head over to FolioFiles).

Now, the new Muppet movie and chronicling the effects of my resentments. Balance is everything, no?

Super moon.

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May 052012
 

…I guess I expected something more profound. Sure, it’s a lil bigger, a lil brighter… But so far, doesn’t feel a whole lot different from other moons I’ve viewed of late. Guess that’s how it goes sometimes.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

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May 042012
 

So I’ve been thinking about this page and what it represents. What purposes it serves, for me and for those of you who read it. What I hope it has the potential to become. And I’ve decided that I’m going to do a minor overhaul of Femme Flavor as it currently exists, but I don’t want to make it an entirely new beast. Yes, this is the “home page” for my professional work. But, in the same way that I make a point to take advantage of an opportunity to come out in a job interview (referencing a partner, using female pronouns for past partners – nothing more than a straight person would do in mentioning a husband/wife, except in that it does out me), in the same way that I do not make a conscious effort to hide my tattoos, in the same way that I interview my interviewers to feel out their acceptance of the ways I am often Other, I want this page to continue to be filled with posts about who I really am and what my life is really like. I will not pretend to be anyone or anything I am not to secure a gig. I will not wrack my brain for a way to avoid offending someone – anyone – whose views may oppose mine. I will not hide from the people who would use me against me. Because in the end, I do amazing work for everyone who asks it of me, and if someone knows something of who I am, and finds me – unsavory? they will look elsewhere.

I want to work with and for people who know what they’re getting. And really, who wouldn’t want to hire an honest, intelligent, witty, talented individual who isn’t afraid to push the envelope? If ever there has been a time when we must all take risks, particularly in our professional pursuits, it is now. And I know, as do those who have worked with me, that I have what it takes to make my clients unforgettable, because I am not afraid. So, bring it. If you’re ready to say, “I have nothing to lose, only everything to gain,” you are where you should be. Let’s work together to show the world what someone with confidence and capability and cojones has to offer. In the meantime, I will continue to write about the parts of me many readers have gone out of their way to say are inspiring or that they connect with or that they’re just glad are out there. I want to be a professional Person. It’s what I’m best equipped to be.

Mornings.

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May 042012
 

Have I mentioned that I’m not a morning person? Except here’s the thing – when I have some additional reason – something deeper and bigger than getting up for work the same as I do every day – I get up, get ready, feel good about it, and can relax into the rest of my day. I can make a smoothie AND coffee. I can go for a fifteen minute walk before I even have to get in the car. I can write a blog post. Maybe I can even do two of these things; we are about to find out.

Have you ever taken a personal inventory of resentments you carry? Me neither, and it feels like it has the potential to make for one hell of an angry and sad weekend. I’m hopeful that tomorrow morning’s phone call will involve some way to look at this part of the process without wanting to either go out and pick a fight with not only the people at the top of my list, but anyone I see, or curl up in a ball under a pile of blankets because I am a terrible person who resents ALL THE THINGS.

And now, the rest of the morning. Hope yours is wonderful, and your weekend full of beautiful things. And you know what? I hope mine is, too. I think I’m allowed to want that for all of us.

Ups and downs.

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May 032012
 

Life has felt particularly roller-caster-y of late, with the most prominent comparison not actually being the ups and downs, but the lack of control I feel have over any of it. Which, as I was reminded in my meeting with my sponsor tonight, is a good thing – if I can admit that I have tried to control everything and it hasn’t exactly produced a life I can consider a great success, then there’s a solution. If I won’t admit it, well, then I’ll just keep doing the same things over and over, and we all know what happens then.

The step process my sponsor is using with me is aligned with, though different from, the process for someone in AA. The third step, however, which I did tonight, is pretty straightforward. I chose a place that means something to me and elected to execute the step in solitude, though I held within my heart the support and love I feel from people who are central to my life. As I drove home, I felt like the guy in Love, Actually; the one who pours his heart out to Keira Knightly’s character on poster board while pretending to be a Christmas caroler. I wound my way up the road and thought, “Enough. Enough now.” And felt, perhaps not an enormous relief, but as though I have given myself permission to feel relief. To move into the steps that require action without the weight of everything and everyone that touches my world in any way influencing my work. And tomorrow, the “real” work begins – I don’t think she has any idea what a 7:45am phone call from me is gonna look like, but hey, I’m not running this show. See? I’m already learning. :)

Because I know everyone loves crazy cat lady stories, I have to share this pretty perfect analogy for my life that occurred upon my arrival home after this cathartic third step business. First, I see my darling Xander performing his boudoir-stretch, then he comes over to climb up on my boob to say hello:

Not to be left out of the fun, next, it is Iliena’s turn:

Super adorable and full of happy, right? I gave them some love then headed in to say hi to Joshua and have him start his reading time. I came back to find Xander making the delightful noise a cat makes right before it’s sick. He is, then slinks away because he feels bad, while Iliena, ever the helpful sister, inspects and begins to attempt to cover it by scratching the floor around it (not pictured. You’re welcome). Aaaaaand, down we come off the cute-kitteh high. But, what can ya do on the roller coaster of life but clean up the cat puke, wash your hands, and move on? So, here’s to more boob-climbing cuteness, less hurking and barf, and increasingly heightened ability to shrug the latter off when it happens. Cuz it’s gonna happen, and while it’s always gross, it’s best if you get it out of sight quick-like so you don’t step in that shit later.

Time.

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May 022012
 

It’s a funny thing. It has its own rules, moves in whatever way it wants, can be held back and urged on by no one. On days like today, it seems to exist on multiple planes, like a complex system of gears of different sizes, each one with its own unique number of rotations per unit of time that passes. I see myself as a wee stick figure running along the cogs, jumping to the next gear when the rotation comes to its end so I don’t get squooshed. My leisure time always feels like the tiniest one, moving so quickly it’s barely started turning before it’s at the end of the line and I have to jump onto the giant housework gear, for example. I’m not sure how to reassign these pieces of my life so that the hours don’t stretch before me when I’m faced with something either tedious or exceptionally difficult, and that the moments that should bring me joy are more than just that – fleeting moments I feel I have to abandon to avoid a squooshing.

One thing I realized today is that I have a strong need to nurture, and I am almost frantically casting about for  ways to fill that need. I almost bought a few small plants on a whim tonight, but was overwhelmed by options and unsure about the right things to get and do and didn’t want to adopt these poor plants and then bring them home and be afraid of them, so I put them back and will try again when I have done some research and am better prepared. Instead, I bought a few things for the Wii that Joshua has asked about or that I’ve noticed he enjoys when he’s watching his Chuggaaconroy videos and surprised him with a bag of lil goodies after his outing to the teen after-hours event. We played Mario Party for a bit when we got home, and while it may not have been the type of love and care I miss giving, it was a kind he absorbed and appreciated, and that’s a good thing. And if playing video games with my brother can give me just enough fulfillment that I stop feeling a twinge every time I see a baby creature of any species, then that is also a good thing, because I’m starting to roll my eyes at myself. More often than usual.

Word Nerd Heaven.

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May 012012
 

A friend of mine warned me that if I start browsing this site, I won’t be able to stop. It is essentially a collection of quotes and you can choose the color of the background and the resolution and stuff and then download the image. So simple. I may have to create a Pinterest board just for these; maybe choose a new one for my desktop at work and at home each week and then archive them there? Anyway, who doesn’t love an endless supply of customizable bite-sized happy?

Also, I am trying to broaden my musical selection lately and find myself equally drawn to happy, hopeful love songs like this:

as to mildly disturbing, frenetic songs like this:

I think it’s a pretty good mix.

Saved by the bell.

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Apr 302012
 

I know you want this blog post to be about the tv show. Hell, I want it to be about the tv show. But I’ll hold that for another entry. Really, it’s just that I had about 72 things that were battling for blog space, and what happened instead is that I got on a roll writing and editing and (hopefully) perfecting my email blast for the list of students who utilize USM’s Veteran Resource Center after getting a few demographic details from my contact there, and it is now time to retire to my freshly-made bed.

I know some of you were waiting for the Poky Little Puppy answers to life. That, too, will have to wait til a later entry. But will probably happen soon.

Progress.

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Apr 292012
 

I’m making it. Slowly but surely. My apartment is tidier than it’s been in over two months. My under-eye circles are not quite the bruises they were last weekend. My mind is clearer than it was a minute ago, and clearer still than it was two minutes before that. These are all good things, for which I am grateful.

One thing I am quite sure contributed to this is that Joshua and I spent time out and about both days this weekend. I only took a few pictures yesterday because, really, you can only have so many pictures of Fort Williams before they all look alike. But my photojourney on Mackworth Island was a very different thing for me today, as it was only my second visit, and my first feels like it was years, not only months, ago.

To see some of the pictures I took today, please visit my Exploring Portland Pinterest board. There were some very powerful moments as I walked the path around the island, and I’m glad I documented it so I can reflect and write more as I’m prompted to do so.

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