A New Year.

I spent this evening and the turning of the year in the company of many of the same people I spent New Year’s Eve with two years ago. This year, there was a beautiful wedding and fun reception in lieu of a standard NYE shindig, which was kind of kick-ass, because this town is shit for new years parties, and I didn’t have any decisions to make about where I’d go or with whom. Oh, and the wedding couple are kind of kick-ass, too. :)

It got me thinking about NYE two years ago, and how, some of the people I saw tonight I know better now than I did then, some are still at the same level of friendly acquaintance, some are welcome new additions, some I don’t know as well, and some people who were present in my world two years ago are no longer. I went back and re-read this post, which I wrote right after that NYE party, and, rather than berating myself for not satisfying the commitments I made then, which was what I expected I’d have to do, I realized that I’ve actually done pretty well by my choices. I’ve stepped outside of my comfort zone and made new friendships, developed close connections with people I would have previously thought wouldn’t give me the time of day, and graciously let relationships that were ready to change, do so.

There are things about that night two years ago that I also felt tonight. There are also things about tonight that the girl who went to that NYE party two years ago didn’t have anywhere near the capacity to feel. I am so grateful for everything that has happened to bring me to this place of knowing myself better, of growing into the person I now know myself to be, of growing beyond the person I thought I could only be. And I am so grateful to every person who has been a part of my life, both in the past two years and in the years before, for your contributions to who I am. Because it’s not only a part of me, but a part of Joshua, and a part of my Mamau, and a part of my other family and friends who cherish me. I am am able to give so much love, because you have loved me so. Thank you for that love, for your support in shitty times, and for reading; may 2014 beat the shit out of 2013.

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