Jenny Lawson, perhaps better known as The Bloggess, shared a video last fall in which she states that depression lies. I had never heard it said that way before, and it really struck a chord for me. Even though she’s mainly addressing suicidal thoughts, which I’ve never struggled with, my battle is against stories my mind spins that are borne out of my own insecurities and have nothing to do with anyone or anything they’re “about.” Today, I’m recalling that video and remembering that sometimes my head isn’t in the right space and I need to bring it back to good. It had been a while since I’d needed this reminder, and I’m pretty sure taking Chantix is contributing to – if not singlehandedly causing – this little derailment. But, I think that by journaling, seeing Richard when I can, and most importantly, talking to the people in my life instead of letting my brain tell me lies about what they’d say if I did, I can manage this. It’s really important to me that I give myself an honest to goodness chance at quitting smoking through a method that has worked so well for many people I know, but it isn’t worth risking relationships I’ve established that are healthy and joyful and loving – particularly my relationship with myself. So, here’s to taking new steps toward well-being, and utilizing the tools I know will help along the way. Thank you to all who stick this out with me; it’s for you as much as me that I’m talking about this here and holding myself accountable for my thoughts and the resulting actions.

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