ALL THE CHAOS.

I could probably make an anti-gratitude list today because I have been a cranky, crotchety, pouty BRAT for the last couple of days and I’m not entirely sure I’ve worn myself out on those traits. Instead, I’m going to make a list of things to let go of. Because hanging onto this shit gets you NOWHERE, darlings. It can’t teach you anything, it doesn’t bring enlightenment, and it sure as hell does not lend itself to anything even remotely resembling serenity. So let’s talk about the shit I’m NOT gonna stress about, shall we? Yes, we shall.

Money stuff. Cuz you know what? We keep making it, we keep spending it. There’s no quick and easy way to change the velocity of the former, and I’m already pretty tightly cinched on the latter. What can ya do but hope for the best.

Other people’s stuff. It’s theirs, Kirsten. Let them take care of it. They know how. You can love and cheer and support without doing for. It’s true!

Job stuff. You’ll either get the communications gig or you won’t; the world will not end either way. Nothing you do – particularly STRESSING THE FUCK OUT – is going to change the results of the first interview. Next round is already decided.

Car stuff. See money stuff, but also? You paid nine hundred bucks for a vehicle that has kept you and the boy and (for a short while) the other boy mobile and safe for a year and a half. You found a fantastic shop that takes good care of Bessie and whose owner will be honest about whether it’s worthwhile to repair her or better to lay her to rest. You’ve done the bus thang before, and you can do it again if need be. THIS IS ALSO NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

Program stuff. I’m not letting go of doing it – I’m letting go of my guilt around not doing it. I have barely talked to my sponsor, haven’t been to a meeting in two weeks, and feel like I’m back at square one. But I’m not. I just need to DO MY SHIT. It is not mentally challenging. It is not physically taxing. It just requires that I recognize that this powerlessness I feel around all of the above can be okay if I check back in with my HP and say, “Oh hi. I was gone for a minute, but now I’m back.” That’s all I gotta do. Would that all relationships were that simple.

Even Oscar knows it’s okay to let go of all this shit. He got like, two days of sun after a week of rain, and then the sun bailed AGAIN, and he’s all, “I’m gonna have 72 flowers and start growing all up over this office anyway, cuz that’s how I roll.”


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2 Responses to “ALL THE CHAOS.”


  • Comment from Colin

    Oh Oscar, you so crazy and beautiful and shit. Our daisy is ded and growing toward the porch lights that are always on for my one eyed kitty friend but I haz seeds! Much love to you, from our madness to yours.xoxox

    ~Colin daisy and the furkids

    • Comment from Kirsten

      Yay, seeds! I have a giant bag of potting soil, and should probably get some things to plant, but it feels late to start new baby seedlets.


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