Weekend wrap.

So the first Facebook-free weekend has been a pretty uneventful one, as Earth did not spin off its axis because I had no idea what 300+ people were doing every moment, my actions did not lose their excitement because they weren’t shared with the world at large – really, nobody besides the handful of people I told noticed or, just as likely, nobody said anything about it because it takes a whole new level of effort to contact someone now from what it did before the big fb.

Before I had my exasperated “I am so over this” fit and deactivated my account, I’d talked with a couple of friends about the negative effects of Facebook on interpersonal relationships, some of which are very obvious (more cheating partners thanks to the grass is greener/smaller world syndrome, for example), but others of which are far more insidious and maybe some people don’t even think to attribute to the Facebookification of our world. I toyed with the idea of performing a social (media) experiment, paying closer attention to how, how often, when, and why I use Facebook. And changing it. I think I may yet do this, maybe when I reactivate my account.

In the meantime, I have my first potential client from the letter to the student Vets that went out Friday, which is exciting. I am also feeling better equipped to handle life in general tonight than I was just a few days ago, and the only thing that has changed is that I spent a good deal of time working my program. Well, that and the fact that we actually had sun all weekend, but I’m going to give the greater credit to the former. I’m glad to be back at it, to bring the focus back onto me, and to know that I need only be concerned with my path and my progress. That feels pretty damned good.

Hope your weekend has been wonderful, and that your Monday doesn’t suck much at all.

Workin’ it.

I’m a pretty motivated person about many things, but sometimes I get lazy. I’ve been lazy about going to al-anon meetings and dedicating the time I need to every day to my program. My sponsor and I spent several hours together today, and part of our conversation was about how oftentimes we fear success as much as we fear failure. I think that’s part of my laziness around this. I’m afraid of what success will look like. I’m afraid of losing things I want in my life but know that it’s not really a loss if those things are familiar but unhealthy. I’m afraid of walking a new and unknown path, one that will need constant vigilance on my part to remain clear and unobstructed.

I want to want this. I want to give myself over to it and power through the growing pains. I want to have a new kind of strength – the kind that effects change for my personal well-being rather than the kind that holds the world on my shoulders and is a damned martyr about it. I have some ways of being, but more importantly some ways of thinking, that need reform. And that isn’t going to happen simply by force of will. I need to put these things in practice, the daily readings, the silent meditation, the review of my writings and inventory, and not allow myself to be baited or distracted by people who would like to see me and my relationships fail.

I am ready for a life full of love and happiness and fun and serenity, and without drama and hurt and emotional exhaustion.

Here’s to a beautiful tomorrow. I hope yours is as lovely as mine will be.