Music, music, music!

I started this post at the beginning of the month and never got around to doing anything with it because my old computer is a delicate flower and trying to search for multiple types of media and add links and compulsively check all my tabs and also actually be listening┬áto music made her a little cranky and foot-stompy. My new computer is a bit of a showoff, and I think maybe she’s daring me to push her, see what she’s made of.

I sometimes identify with each of them. But that is for another post altogether.

So, music. I never listen to music arbitrarily; it is always intrinsically tied to my thoughts, my mood, what’s going on in my world in any given moment. Lately I’ve been actively searching out a lot of new-to-me stuff, listening to a select few songs in a constant rotation, and also remembering and enjoying some artists and songs I’ve not heard in a decade or more. I’m going to publish this with just a list for now, and will keep the edit page open to add links, YouTube videos, lyrics, whatever jumps out at me as I geek out and play with my new toy. I think she needs a name. Maybe Sarabi.

I’ll start with just artists, and will hit specific songs in edits:

Florence + the Machine

I’d stuck to Shake It Out for a long while, then when I started using Pandora to prompt ideas for my Spotify library again, this one really captured me.

Lana Del Rey

I was turned onto Lana Del Rey when I was stalking the staff of researching Dispatch Magazine – Robbie Kanner had tweeted about her new album due the next day, and from the minute I started listening, I was hooked. Definitely one of my new favorite artists. I don’t really love any of the videos on YouTube, but Lolita and Off to the Races are two really fun ones from her latest album, Born to Die.

Scout

This is one of my comfort/torture songs. I have many. I do love it so.

Amos Lee

I knew and loved a couple of Amos Lee songs for a few years before I really started listening to him, just last year. A friend and I went to see him at the State Theater on his Mission Bell tour and he rocked my world. This is a great twofer – Street Corner Preacher is a funky, fun track, and Windows are Rolled Down one of my favorites from the new album.

Regina Spektor

I really loved her sound when Fidelity came out; a good friend introduced me to her and we both enjoyed how, unlike many pop artists, she truly uses her voice as an instrument. This song is a great example of that, but mostly what I love is the overall feel of the music and lyrics together; it puts me in mind of the easy fun of loving companionship with someone who is in tune to your own personal brand of randomness nobody else can quite keep up with. It makes me smile.

Karmin

Ellie Goulding

Buckcherry

Kate Nash

Therapy Thursday

Sometimes I have to sit on my damned hands to keep myself from doing something I really want to do but shouldn’t. And then I get up off my hands and come tell you all about it, because everyone loves hearing about someone else’s crazy, right? :)

I deliberately didn’t blog after therapy last night. I hadn’t cried in session in a long time, but the drought ended in grand fashion. I spent the first half talking about all of the amazing things that have happened and that I’m doing for myself and that I’m hopeful about, and the second half with tears streaming down my face non-stop. I’d love to say they were the cathartic kind of tears, the kind of cry that leaves you feeling refreshed and ready to pick up and move again and just altogether better – but it wasn’t. It was the kind of cry that sits just behind your eyes and nose and in a lump in your throat and a tightness in your chest and waits for you to acknowledge it even a tiny bit and then it threatens to spill all over no matter where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with. Right now, I’m fighting this cry at my desk at work, telling it that I only have six minutes left of my lunch break, dammit, and I wanna get this post written, edited, and shared before my time is up.

It’s okay to feel a lot of things all at the same time. And sometimes one feeling will be a little bigger than the others and make it feel like it’s the only one, but it isn’t. And while this means that when happiness and hope and excitement edge to the front, that’s not all there is, it also means that when I feel so sad and lonely and confused, that’s not all there is, either.

I’m really looking forward to this weekend; it’s supposed to be beautiful outside, so I think I’m going to take another nice long walk in the morning and not miss the indoor farmer’s market by ten minutes this week, and then maybe grab Joshua and head to Mackworth or Fort Williams. I’ll even let him choose, since he doesn’t get a choice about whether or not to leave the damned house for a couple of hours :)