Contemplative.

Sometimes, a bit of quiet is the best thing. I am taking that tonight.

I had, for no apparent reason, a time of anxiety today. A period of several hours during which I could not breathe normally, during which I would all of a sudden feel as though I was about to be ill, during which I felt certain something bad was about to happen.

I have mild anxiety; that’s nothing new. I will feel the knot in my stomach, that feeling of dread, and can’t always attribute it to a specific experience. That’s what anxiety is about – irrational fear, disproportionate worry. But nothing that usually calms me did anything for me today. It was pervasive and it was persistent and it was bound and determined to make me take notice.

I did. And I realized, I can’t do anything about this, so I’m just gonna let it happen.

And then, not all at once, but fairly rapidly, it dispersed.

I can’t fix things. I can’t change things. I can’t make things be. I can’t stop things from being.

This is my mantra when anxiety takes hold. I must relieve myself of the responsibilities that support anxiety. Only once I have accepted what I cannot do, is it possible for me to see what I am capable of.

Know what I can do? Lots of things. Just watch me.

 

Gratitude:

The Amy Roy. Especially in her Mister Rogers cardigan. Hot for teacher what??? ;)

Books. Yes, again. Deal with it.

Days without coats!

Sleeping in.

New ways of looking at things.


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