Small.

Sometimes, especially right after I have had to be big and strong and sturdy and stuff… I feel so small. Like a little bit that needs gathering up and petting. Like I used up every bit of grownup I have, and I just need to be small k for a minute.

I can’t let Joshua see this. I can’t let work see this. I won’t let most anyone see this, most of the time, though those of you who know me well know it’s a part of me, even if you’ve never seen it for yourself.

Sometimes I want my big person to scoop me up and hold me tight, wipe my tears with rough hands, press my head to their chest and rock me while they tell me stories of things that have nothing to do with anything.

And then I realize that no one is gonna do that tonight, so I have to do it for myself. I look in the mirror and say hey you, yeah, the one with the long face, what’s gonna fix it? And I toddle off to pull on my amazing new legwarmers and cozy up to my cats and dive back into my Ya fantasy novel. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s a bit of comfort I can give myself. And I deserve it, dammit.

Gratitude.

Tomorrow is Friday.

The long weekend.

Plans for ridiculously fun wii games with friends tomorrow night. + vodka.

These legwarmers. They really are kickass, y’all.

ETA: the fact that I can count. That was only four, stupidhead. So I am also grateful for Lilo and Stitch. There.


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