Gratitude.

Have I mentioned that I’m a masochist of sorts?

(that seems incongruous after reading the post’s title, I know. I’ll get there.)

Pain can be cathartic in so many ways. It can be a reminder. A tribute. A warning.

I was on the phone with K just now, and the last thing we talked about before saying goodnight was gratitude. How, if we start each day with a moment’s pause to acknowledge those things for which we are grateful, it really sets the tone.

I said my “I love you goodnight,” waited for her to hang up, and took the phone from my ear.

There are many examples of this, some more adult than others, but you know how when you apply intense pressure to an area of your body and then remove the pressure, there’s a sensation that is both painful and pleasurable? The circulation of blood after it has been restricted – release.

My ear was hot to the touch, throbbing a bit, painful. But echoing with words of love, appreciation for me, and gratitude for life in general.

A couple of years ago, I was pretty consistent with daily gratitude posts on facebook. Some days, I struggled to come up with one thing, and other days I had a list a mile long. No matter what, though, like with this blog, I made myself come up with something each day.

I’m incorporating more self-care activities into my “every day” routine lately, and I think it will be easy enough to weave this back in. I’ll start tonight, and see how it goes from here on out.

Tonight, I’m grateful for pain and the way it makes me feel alive. The pain that comes from the absence of a phone pressed against my ear. The pain of a neck tilted for too many hours while reading spines on bookstore shelves. The pain of accidentally knocking a bruise that reminds me oh-so-vividly of a singular moment with my lover. The pain of clawmarks from a cat who loves me too much to leave me be while I write my nightly blog post (at least that’s what I tell myself so I don’t sling her across the room when she draws blood on my inner thigh).

Every pain has the potential for gratitude. Except maybe stubbing your toe or hitting your funny bone. Aside from those, though, see if you can find the pleasure in your pain. Share it if you feel so inclined.

Weekend wrap

…I just realized that Joshua switched keyboards on me while he was watching the Super Bowl and making/uploading videos. Brat.

Anyway, I hope you’ve all had a delightful weekend full of all things happy—- hang on, Iliena —-

Cat hanging a foot off the ground by her claws, which were stuck in my scarf, which was hanging on the back of the closet door. Nice.

Anyway, again. I feel like I hardly had a weekend, though in between hours of errands both yesterday and today, I did manage to —— one minute, laundry’s ready to switch.

You know what? How about you just go over to FolioFiles and I’ll list all of the books I bought. That’ll probably be best. Because clearly tonight is full of distractions, and better suited to something bullet-point-ish.