Oh! And…

… I played around with the formatting and style for my mobile optimization – I couldn’t believe the PITA it was to get Gravatar working across the board, but at least it’s done. So yeah, I am a productive kid today. Sort of. :)

And here we go.

So we’re about halfway through the productive part of my day; when I’m able to do things my way, I tend to come to life in the late afternoon and work well into the wee hours. I spent the better part of the morning messing about online, dozing, and being a crazy cat lady. The evening has been dedicated to domestic goddesshood, and swearing at various items in my home – my drill, my drill bits, the 2x4s I was attempting to drill, the staple gun, the staples from the staple gun, the mop, the washing machine, the closet door… You get the idea. While the end result isn’t yet my ideal, my room has been moved around enough to make it feel like a new space with new energy, and I have brand new pretty bedding to climb in under when I get there. I may forgo my matzoh ball soup because I’m just not feelin’ attacking the rest of the kitchen, but I did a little bit in each room and am feeling good about that.

To keep my lil brain occupied while I mopped and moved and swore and danced around the apartment, I started listening to Ready Player One by Ernest Coine, narrated by Wil Wheaton. In order to take advantage of the audiobook download from the library (the San Francisco Public Library – yes, I renewed my card two days before I left the city so I could access their eLibrary for another 4 years. Stop judging me), I had to bite the bullet and hook up my PC, since I’m still running OS X on my Mac Mini and the required version of OverDrive Media Console needs an Intel-based operating system. I couldn’t find the flippy button thingie for my Belkin Flip – and the flippy button thingie is kind of the important part – so I just swapped my peripherals over for the time being. I use a Windows machine at work, but I still keep getting that damned “Alert” noise all the freaking time because when I’m at this desk, I’m accustomed to my Mac keyboard shortcuts. Windows doesn’t like “alt-v” very much. I also can’t get my mouse buttons to operate the same way they do on OS X, which is endlessly annoying; I try to scroll down a page and end up with pop-up warnings: “You have unsaved changes, are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?” No, stupidhead, I just wanna read the next freaking paragraph! Scroll already!!! I need to set up home sharing in iTunes on this machine and see if I can get the audiobook onto my phone so I can go back to my sluggish and obsolete but beloved baby Mac. Until my patience for trial and error computer nonsense has been replenished and my ass has stopped complaining about my hours sitting at my desk, however, I will survive on the PC. Thankfully, the book is pretty rad so far, so it seems to have been worth the hassle.

I also finished my reread of The Book Thief by Markus Zusak this morning. I simply cannot recommend this book highly enough to absolutely anyone and everyone, and find myself with a renewed passion for both reading and writing with every page. Writers like Zusak are the reason I am a voracious reader, and an aspiring writer. I may never be a bestselling novelist, but I know I am able to wield words in a unique way, and I want to hone that gift and turn it into a true craft.

And on that note…

Today’s lead: Nothing new – I didn’t get around to my AWAI links yet, and that’s okay. Today was about the physical space aspect.

Today’s home office prep step: Two things: last night, Melissa gave me the perfect last piece of the logo puzzle, so it’s all done but the actual creation of the artwork. I’m excited about it! Also, see above.

Today’s brainstorm: Year-end is a good time for best-of lists; I’ve been collecting tweets on WordPress widgets, SEO tips, and other useful collections of data I can use some or all or none of as I build the site and my network.

So now that I’ve regaled you with a blow-by-blow of my day, why don’t you tell me something good. I think we could all use that tonight, and every night, really.

Also.

In both more and less serious news… A real post.

Once upon a time, there was a girl, and she was pretty much afraid of everything. Even when she made jokes or introduced herself to strangers or yelled at people who were big and mean and scary, she was feeling scared and small and anxious inside. She did these bold things because she thought if she looked not-afraid, maybe no one would see how small she felt, and then they couldn’t laugh at her for being such a scaredy-cat. Being laughed at what was she was scared of the most.

But the irony was, the things she did that people could see made them think she wasn’t scared of anything, when really she was scared of everything. So they thought she was fearless and confident and had her shit together, and they were intimidated – all of the things she admired in other people, and which made her feel like they wouldn’t want to befriend her scaredy self, made them feel intimidated by her, so they didn’t want to befriend her unapproachable self.

And the girl heard about this from time to time, but it was difficult for her to accept it. So she thought of other reasons why maybe friendships didn’t just materialize. Maybe she was super socially awkward – she could certainly think of a thousand things that she was embarrassed to have said, and they came to her in the night, mocking and keeping her from sleep. Maybe she had accidentally slighted someone by forgetting something important, and been branded callous and cold and uncaring – she could certainly think of a thousand birthdays, breakups, and moving parties she’d neglected to acknowledge. Maybe she had talked too much about herself – she could certainly think of many conversations with caring listeners who had allowed her to ramble on and on about the changes in her life, the struggles she was facing, the questions she couldn’t answer.

Then one night, she sat down and thought about friendship, love, and how she interacts with her world. She made herself look objectively at her life and the people in it. She forced herself to acknowledge the good in herself, and the ways she held herself back. She took a deep breath and said, “I’m going to lay this shit out for myself and anyone who cares to see it, and I’m going to contemplate what parts of who I am are things I am willing to accept, and what parts are things I can and want to change. And I am going to consider the fact that maybe I am someone people want in their life, and I’m not the only one who feels scared and anxious about making friends.”

So she wrote a blog post. And she put the link out there for her world to see. And she smiled to know that it was okay that it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, and that most of the people who would read it had also had at least a couple of adult beverages, and that she might regret it when she woke up the next day but that it couldn’t be taken back. And that that was a good thing.

This year, I will not allow my actions, or lack of actions, to be motivated by fear. I will be myself without shame. I will say and do stupid shit and accept that sometimes that’s how I roll, and that one moment of stupidity does not necessarily mean that someone will write me off as a complete dumbass. I will approach acquaintances I admire and make an effort to become friends. I will talk to friends about things I’ve been scared to address with them for fear that our differences will separate us. I will allow myself to love who I will, and not box myself or them in. I will set and maintain healthy boundaries. I will grow outside of previously set boundaries that only existed to create an illusion of safety. I will live and love and hurt and grow even when I am scared.

And I will start wearing glitter pretty much every day. Because that shit is who I am.

Welcome to 2012. Thanks for reading.